I have not read a book by Augusten Burroughs, and after viewing Ryan Murphy's atrocious Running With Scissors, I do not intend to. Keep this in mind as you read my review of the film, as it could very well be that those of you who are fans of Burroughs may too love this movie. I am in no position to comment whether or not the director achieved the correct tone for the movie, or portrayed it's characters (apparently it's based on a true story, but I think the term “characters” still applies) accurately, and so forth as most movies that are based on novels are typically criticized for these types of things. I can only comment on what the film does wrong (which is basically everything) as a film, and let the reader who is similarly unfamiliar with Augusten Burroughs identify with this article.

Running With Scissors is one of those rare pictures that despite the apparent generous amount of talent going into the making of the film, the result is a jumbled, unwatchable mess. It brings to mind such films as David O. Russell's I Heart Huckabees or Allan Parker's The Road to Wellville as all three films seem to think that they are quirky and witty, and hilarious, and all three were painful to sit through. Running With Scissors is chock-full of crrraazzzeey characters, and bizarre relationships and situations, and Murphy seems to truly believe that by throwing all of these people together that the audience can not help but to be amused. He is dead wrong. These characters are silly and original, to be sure, but they are too disgusting to be likable, and the people that are playing them are far too self-aware to be genuine. Subtle nuance is a much more effective way to portray eccentrics, and even movies like The Life Aquatic which are fairly overt, still let their characters exist with depth and hidden ambitions. With Running With Scissors, Murphy trades subtlety for annoyance, and he gets the bad end of the deal.

This brings to mind the other fallacy that Murphy commits. In thinking that because you grow to love these characters through their quirky adventures that too you will sympathize with their struggles, and feel their pain. Since one does not feel anything but distant hatred, or (at best) indifference, it does not affect the viewer in any way when the people on screen face hardship. There is a lot of emotion in Running With Scissors, but not one second of it is actually felt by the audience. There is no recognition, no affection, and henceforth no emotional attachment. It is a complete and utter failure.

Not to mention the fact that the running time is around two hours, which not may seem like much, but believe me it was a fucking marathon.

The disclaimer at the beginning of the film notes that the people will not believe that Running With Scissors is a genuine memoir. This is true (for me at least). I did not believe it. This is not so much proof that Augusten Burroughs lived a unique adolescence, however, but further evidence that he is full of crap.