“Movies I Wouldn't Pay to Fucking See But Did"
Whoa, what piece of shit.
I could barely see anything on the LCD screen I was watching this turd on. Oh, by the way, while the title of this is "Movies I wouldn't pay to fucking see but did," I saw them but didn't pay for them, and if I paid to see this I would have been fucking livid with rage. Not just calling the movie a piece of shit, but I think I'd actually find whoever produced this film and hold them personally responsible and demand that I personally get to waste an hour and a half of their time for the hour and half that they stole from my life.Where to start...
The poor lighting or the shitty screenplay which are both the trade mark of the Underworld series. Apparently being a cold schmuck is what happens when you become a vampire, as well as acting... well, like everyone else in the film. The only difference between characters in the film is there bodies, but apparently all vampires wear the same style clothes, have the same facial expressions and all act like obnoxious goths... Oh wait, or maybe all the characters in this film are just obnoxious goths ‘pretending' to be vampires... you know, like at Megacon... Yes, that is a FAR better explanation of why they are so fucking uniform.The two main characters are a Vampire who's name I can't remember, ‘cause names are trivial to looks (but she looks like a poor man's Kate Beckinsale) and a ‘Wherewolf' (little joke there. It's okay, stop laughing) named Lucian * kinda rhymes with Lycan - as in “Rise Of”, or rather please don't. Okay, I don't know if this film was rated R but it certainly felt PG-13. Now the hard part to understand is not why Vampires and Werewolves hate each other (cause the Vampires ALL act like cold pricks with no feelings and they also have enslaved the Werewolves), but the fact that the two main characters are in love, that they have a relationship, or that a relationship could have even started between them.
It was hard to pay attention to this, um "film" I must admit, so I might have missed the love story, but the only sign that the two could be interested in each other is that they both dug each other around the time of puberty. We know this because they give each other ‘looks'... that's about it... I'm not making this up.I get it, this an action movie and don't bog it down with crap like dimension and characters, we just need to market the fuck out of it, cause if you pimp anything hard enough people will buy it, just look at that whore Miley Cyrus. So, if you must see this piece of shit film I suggest you get a program called bit-torrent and jack the piece of shit off the internet because it is not worth seeing in the theatres unless you are being paid to see this abomination of cinema.
To the Director of Underworld 3: Fuck you, Fuck you, Fuck you...
Jason Pitt
– Canada
I don't know if I'd call Miley Cyrus a whore... But maybe that's just me.
Also, Critical-Film.com sure doesn't endorse downloading movies by way of 'torrents'... But, we also don't recommend paying good money to see shitty movies either. It seems we have a dilemma...