I have written two other variations of my review for Vlog and each time I am unsatisfied. It seems like every time I set out to write this, I end up devolving my article into a meditation on the concept of hatred itself. Is it in an effort to express my passionate hatred of this movie or is it an attempt to justify that hatred? I don't know, but as I trek forth with my third stab at this review, I vow to myself not to get sidetracked.

Because I am an emotional person, I often find myself lashing out against certain pictures that offend or insult me. I am often called on my occasionally inflammatory comments, but I write them because I am writing with honesty. I tell you how I genuinely feel about these pictures and how they have made me feel, for if I didn't then I would be deceitful in some way and that is the last thing I want be to you. So what has Vlog done to wrong me so? It can't contain anti-humor can it? There are no sassy back-talking animals and neither Dean Cook nor Cuba Gooding Jr. makes an appearance.

What Vlog does do is positively remarkable. It manages to be tedious, pointless, cliché and morally reprehensible all in the same movie, and all exceptionally so.

It would be bad enough it was just difficult to sit through. For a film that wishes to entertain, it drags its feet so diligently in limping unsatisfactorily to its punch line. I can see how watching Brooke Marks (playing herself?) for 90 minutes could be a lot of fun if she was halfway interesting, as she is an attractive lady and potentially charismatic. In her opening segment, Brooke confesses that she is dressed provocatively in the hopes that viewers will come for the sexy lady in the underwear, but stay for the witty commentary. But simply professing that one is intelligent and has something to say does not make it so.

The first three or four hours of this film (am I really exaggerating?) are spent trying to convince us how ahead of the curve Ms. Marks is. We watch what is I assume a sampling of her video blog (which is how some of this picture is structured, but more on that later) in which she attempts to win us over by ridiculing those around her, including potentially her target audience. She dupes hapless men into meaningless relationships, just so she can quip about them to her faithful internet audience, often in front of a hidden camera while actually on the date. This series of events could have been genuinely interesting social commentary, i.e. Ms. Marks could be making astute observations about society. Instead the film chooses hapless caricatures for its male subjects; people so weak or socially oblivious that it renders them unbelievable and thus the commentary pointless. If Brooke had been dating realistic, identifiable people, this part of Vlog may have been tolerable. It isn't. As it stands, the film doesn't even seem to realize that while Brooke is taking these actions, she is essentially prostituting herself. And even though some of the men she meets are feeble-minded, they are at least well intentioned, which is more than you can say for her. The supposed protagonist in this story is also its unintentionally most deplorable character.

Seeing as though the vast majority of the picture's running time is its hero talking straight to the audience, one's feelings toward her are intertwined with one's feelings toward the picture as a whole. I found Brooke to be intolerable. That's enough to destroy a film all in itself, but in this case, it is the least of the film's problems.

Vlog encompasses something that I am finding to be very common in modern horror, and that is the idea of violence as pornography. Not literally pornography of course, but it is treated much in the same way. Violence, in a good horror film, should be used to elicit some kind of emotional response. You can identify with the victim in some cases, or perhaps identify with the people who would be affected by the third party's death. Violence can also be used to enhance a position or perspective that a film may have. It may be used for humorous satire, or to enhance a scare or intense situation. Vlog, similar to films like the Texas Chainsaw... and The Hills Have Eyes remakes see violence as being entertaining all by itself. Is it wrong that I see a societal problem growing with that theme? Vlog employs a drawn-out scene in which a man lays in a tub while the killer pours acid on him, dissolving his body away. And that's it. Just a caricature that is made to seem pathetic, getting violently murdered. It's as if Vlog is saying to its audience, “Hey look! There's a guy getting killed! That's pretty cool, huh? You people are entertained by that.” Well, no actually. I'm repulsed by it, and I'm insulted that you would think otherwise. “Hey guys! I just made this great porno. It's called ‘Penis in a Vagina.' It's just a close up of a penis, fully erect mind you, going back-and-forth in a vagina! That's pretty cool, huh? You guys are aroused by that.”

So taking into account that Vlog to this point in the review has bored me, grated on me and insulted me, can it really get any worse? Somehow. Because I haven't mentioned a thing about how stupid it is.

The violence comes mainly in the form of videos taken by Brooke's internet stalker, and then sends to her for some unknown reason. Revenge? Not really. She didn't really like these people anyway. A valentine of some sort? Perhaps, except that Brooke is made to know that her life is in danger as well. Not really as romantic as it would like to be. So there's the lack of motivation for the killer which shows a continuing lack of foresight from the writers, but what about when Brooke takes these videos to the police? Videos of people she knows, getting murdered – on video. “It's probably just a prank.” That's a direct quote from the investigating officer. But the people who have been killed on video haven't been seen for days! “Nothing to be worried about.” (Take into account that the film was to be structured in a straight series of video blogs, and that it makes the mistake of deviating from this in order to make the deaths more tantalizing, and the mystery more mysterious. If the film wasn't going to stick to the parameters and style that it set for itself, then why set those parameters in the first place? You could have saved your audience from a lot of time and pain.) Brooke's reaction is nonsensical as well, as she doesn't get mad at the officer or insist that something be done. Instead, she tries to forget what's going on, ho-hums, and heads out to the club to party with her friends. There is never any thought put into why any character does anything in this movie. With every new scene, Vlog punches the viewer in the face with a fistful of stupid.

Oh, and of course… How can I forget the obligatory and insanely clever twist ending?