"Dead-Alive"

"The Wicker Man" (2006)

Since I saw "Your Friends and Neighbors", Neil LaBute has been among my personal favorite directors. Not only has he been able to accurately portray relationship angst better than any director since Mike Nichols, he has also scored high marks with me with his romantic drama "Possession", and the (albeit uneven) "Nurse Betty". That LaBute can succeed in such varying genres, gave me hope that his "The Wicker Man" would not fall into the same category as other pointless remakes of great horror pictures. Nobody understands his characters, and their motivations better than LaBute, and that fact alone should have made "The Wicker Man" update better than most others.

"Star Trek"

It is very rare that a film exceeds my expectations so drastically as J.J. Abrams' "Star Trek", which really is a perfect Hollywood blockbuster. I recently watched "Wolverine", and while I wouldn't quite say that it was a steaming pile of shit, it was most certainly not good. However, at the same time, it wasn't quite bad enough for me to extend my thoughts on the film. It was simply there, and amidst the incredibly cliched story and action set-pieces, was a film that was pure and simply forgettable. It seemed to exist for no particular reason, as the film's climax served to disprove the relevance of any of the events that occurred throughout the film.

"Quarantine"

When I initially read Scott's review of Juame Balaguero's "[Rec]", I questioned some of his critical rationale, asking myself, “Yes… But is it scary?” I could not quite grasp the thought of a horror film being a failure on so many levels, if it succeeded in its one true intention – scaring the audience. I still have yet to see "[Rec]", but after watching Quarantine, I both understand and fully agree with Scott's motives for critiquing the film as he did.

"The Producers"

The main problem with "The Producers" is it's just too damn long. It's so leisurely paced that its 2 ¼ hour runtime becomes a trial to sit through. The film adaptation of the stage play, which is itself an adaptation of the original 1968 film, has a lot going for it, a great cast, some brilliant moments, but it's just too long.

"My Bloody Valentine 3-D"

Firstly, as this film was released in both 3D and 2D formats, I feel obligated to explain that this review is based solely on the 3D picture… And yes I would rate the film much differently if I had seen the 2D version of the same film.

With that out of the way, I feel the need to (very briefly) explain a little of the history behind "My Bloody Valentine", as many people are unaware that it is in fact a remake of an early 80's Canadian horror film. While the original doesn't stand as a classic, and certainly can't be compared to a film such as Bob Clark's "Black Christmas", it is an enjoyable film, and a much stronger film than Patrick Lussier's 3D remake. But… the remake is 3D, and for that reason alone, I thoroughly enjoyed it.

"House of Wax" (2005)

First off, let me start by saying "Paris Hilton is truly a terrible actress." That being said, she's barely in this film, which is quite a relief. From the moment she delivered her first line, I trembled at the thought that she may actually appear in more movies after this. That's a scary thought. Had she appeared in it more often, I don't think I would have enjoyed it as much as i did.

"The Grudge"

Before I begin my review of the American remake of Takashi Shimizu's "Ju-On", I'd like to explain the history of the series for those who are unaware of the sheer number of films in the series. The series originated with an incredibly effective made-for-TV film in 2000, and was followed by a sequel of sorts, released the same year. (The sequel, appropriately titled, "Ju-On 2", was a less than stellar construction, consisting of half an hour of recycled material from the first film, and roughly 45 minutes of new footage.) At the promise of a higher budget and perhaps an increased level of publicity, a theatrical feature was released, titled "Ju-On: The Grudge", which kept the basic plot in tact, and was remarkably similar to the original TV films. The theatrical release is one of the most frightening features ever made, and displays how strong a grasp Asian horror directors have on creating suspense and terror. This was followed by yet another sequel, bringing the series total to four.

"Friday the 13th" (2009)

"Friday the 13th" is in its 11th day of release at the time of this writing, and was, perhaps not unexpectedly, No.1 at the box office in its opening weekend. I was witness to the ridiculous turnout on opening night, and, as a result, had to torture myself by sitting in the second to front row, craning my neck to even see the screen, my eyes darting from one side to the next in an attempt to follow the action. But... that's enough about the movie-going experience, as I'm sure you've all probably sat in a crowded movie theatre, at least once or twice in your lives.

"Dark Water" (2005)

A lacklustre remake of the 2002 – Hideo Nakata directed import of the same name. In my personal opinion, the remake is not as sure a film as the original; however Walter Salles proves to be a capable enough director, crafting some suspenseful sequences. The story is bogged down by a number of unnecessary sub-plots, which certainly hinders the overall effectiveness of the picture.

"Body Snatchers"

With the current trend of horror remakes currently bludgeoning the movie theaters, and my personal unsurprising disgust of that trend, I am often asked if there has ever been a remake that I consider to be as good, or better than the original. It seems as though I have a blind bias against the idea of remaking the classics (and occasionally the not-so classics) so regardless of what these movies may do well, I never recommend them.